Adult Adoptee Therapy
Growing up adopted can shape the way you see yourself, your relationships, and your place in the world in ways that often go unrecognized. Whether you're exploring questions of identity, navigating reunion, or simply trying to understand why certain patterns keep repeating, therapy can help you make sense of your story with compassion, curiosity, and hope.
If You're an Adult Adoptee, You May Have Wondered....
If you're an adult adoptee, you may have spent years feeling that something didn't quite fit, even if you couldn't explain why. Many adoptees describe feeling different from those around them, struggling with self-worth, fearing rejection, or feeling responsible for keeping everyone else happy. Others wonder why relationships feel so difficult, why they push people away, or why they never seem to feel fully at home, even in places where they belong.
These experiences aren't signs that something is wrong with you. They are often understandable adaptations to early experiences of separation, loss, and disrupted attachment. Whether your adoption was loving and supportive or marked by significant adversity, adoption can shape the way your nervous system, identity, and relationships develop.
You don't have to carry those questions alone. Therapy can provide a safe place to explore your story with curiosity, compassion, and without judgment.
Adoption Is More Than an Event. It's an Experience That Can Shape a Lifetime.
Adoption begins with separation from one's biological mother, often before a child has words to understand what has happened. While every adoption story is unique, many adoptees carry an underlying sense of loss, uncertainty, or disconnection that can continue into adulthood, even when they were raised in loving families.
Over time, these early experiences may influence identity, attachment, emotional regulation, relationships, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or a persistent feeling of being "different." These patterns are not signs of weakness. They are often adaptive responses to experiences that occurred long before conscious memory.
Therapy isn't about blaming adoptive parents or rewriting your past. It's about understanding how your experiences shaped you, recognizing the strengths that helped you survive, and creating new ways of relating to yourself and others that feel more authentic and connected.
Why I Chose to Specialize in Adult Adoptee Therapy
My connection to adoption is both professional and deeply personal. I am an adult adoptee myself, and I understand that adoption is not simply a childhood event. It can influence identity, relationships, self-worth, and the search for belonging throughout life.
My own journey has included searching for my biological family, navigating reunion, grieving profound losses, and making sense of experiences that once felt impossible to explain. Those experiences don't define my work, but they do allow me to meet other adoptees with a level of understanding that goes beyond textbooks or clinical training.
Alongside my lived experience, I bring specialized training in trauma therapy, including EMDR and the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). My goal is not to tell you what adoption should mean to you. It is to provide a space where your unique story can be explored safely, at your own pace, without assumptions or judgment.
Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me as an Adult Adoptee
If you're an adult adoptee, there are a few things I wish someone had told me.
You are not "too sensitive."
You are not broken.
You are not imagining the impact adoption may have had on your life.
You do not have to justify your curiosity about your origins, your grief, your anger, or your desire to understand yourself more fully.
You can love your adoptive family and still acknowledge that adoption involved loss.
You can feel grateful for your life while also recognizing the pain that accompanied it.
Those experiences are not contradictory. They can exist together.
Most importantly, healing does not require you to choose between one family and another or to abandon any part of your story. It begins by making space for all of it.
Whether your adoption has always been part of your identity or you've only recently begun asking difficult questions, your experiences deserve to be understood with compassion rather than judgment.
You don't have to carry them alone.
How Adult Adoptee Therapy Can Help
Therapy isn't about changing who you are. It's about understanding how your life experiences have shaped you, strengthening your relationship with yourself, and creating new ways of relating to others that feel more authentic and fulfilling.
Together, we might explore:
- Identity, belonging, and self-worth
- Reunion, secondary rejection, and ambiguous loss
- Grief related to adoption, infertility, or family relationships
- People-pleasing, perfectionism, and difficulty setting boundaries
- Attachment wounds and relationship patterns
- Anxiety, shame, or a persistent feeling of being "different"
- Childhood trauma, emotional neglect, or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)
- Building self-compassion and emotional resilience
Every adoptee's story is different. Therapy isn't about fitting you into a model or telling you how you should feel about your adoption. It's about understanding your unique experiences and helping you move toward the life and relationships you want to create.
Common Reasons Adult Adoptees Reach Out
Every adoption story is unique, but many adult adoptees contact me because they're experiencing one or more of the following:
Identity & Belonging
- Feeling like you don't fully belong
- Questions about identity or where you fit
- Searching for your biological family
- Processing reunion or deciding whether to search
Relationships
- Difficulty trusting others
- Fear of rejection or abandonment
- People-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries
- Patterns of conflict, distance, or emotional shutdown
Emotional Well-Being
- Anxiety or chronic self-doubt
- Shame or low self-worth
- Grief that feels difficult to explain
- Feeling "different" without knowing why
Trauma & Healing
- Childhood trauma or emotional neglect
- Complex PTSD or attachment wounds
- Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- Learning to regulate overwhelming emotions
Life Transitions
- Becoming a parent
- Loss of an adoptive or biological parent
- Medical history questions or health concerns
- Milestone birthdays or major life changes that bring adoption back into focus
You don't need to arrive with a clear understanding of why you're struggling. Many people simply know that something doesn't feel right. Together, we can explore your experiences with curiosity, compassion, and respect for your unique story.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to be in reunion or searching for my biological family to benefit from therapy?
No. Many adult adoptees seek therapy without ever searching, while others come before, during, or after reunion. Therapy focuses on your experiences, relationships, and well-being, whatever your journey looks like.
I had a loving adoptive family. Can adoption still affect me?
Yes. Many adoptees raised in loving homes still experience questions about identity, belonging, loss, or attachment. Recognizing those experiences isn't a criticism of your adoptive family. Both gratitude and grief can exist at the same time.
Do you work only with adoptees?
No. I also work with adults healing from childhood trauma, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), anxiety, attachment wounds, and complex trauma. However, adult adoptee therapy is one of my primary areas of specialization.
Do you offer virtual therapy?
Yes. I provide secure virtual therapy to adults throughout Ontario, as well as in-person appointments in London, Ontario.
What therapy approaches do you use?
My work is informed by EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), attachment theory, and trauma-informed psychotherapy. Every treatment plan is tailored to the individual rather than following a rigid protocol.
How do I know if we're a good fit?
That's exactly why I offer a free virtual introductory consultation. It's an opportunity for us to meet, discuss what brings you to therapy, and decide together whether working together feels like the right fit.
READY WHEN YOU ARE
You Don't Have to Figure It Out Alone
Whatever brings you here, you don't need to have all the answers before reaching out. Whether you're beginning to question how adoption has shaped your life, navigating reunion, grieving a loss, or simply looking for a place where you feel understood, therapy can provide a safe place to begin.
If you'd like to learn more or see whether we're a good fit, I'd be happy to meet with you for a free virtual consultation.
If you're ready to begin, I'd be honoured to walk alongside you.